I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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