I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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