We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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