I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
