I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
