if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
