it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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