I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize