when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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