Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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