Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
