my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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