Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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