He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
