his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
