shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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