I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
