I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
