i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
