he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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