Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
