Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
