But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
