Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
