He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i drank out of a bidet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
