no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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