So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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