apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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