Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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