Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
