So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
