It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
