don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
