called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize