dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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