is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
