Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
