You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
