Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
