My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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