i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
