Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
