Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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