so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
