Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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