Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
