I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
