I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
