I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
