You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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