Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
