dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
