he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
