I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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