K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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