She's JV to your varsity
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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