I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
