My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize