worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
