the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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