The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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