this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
