3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
