fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
