Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
